Forever Afraid of Being Loved
by Hollyslbd
Summary: There are only six simple words that would make Robin truly happy. She has been trying to hear those six words forever, but what if she ran out of time. A story about Robin and her Dad, set near the start of season 8. I tried to add a little b/r in there just to make you guys happy. Its told through flashbacks to significant things in Robin's life, while still having a story line.
1. Torn Apart

This story is very different from any HIMYM fanfic i've seen. I had this idea at like 3 in the morning, so its a little bit strange. I was inspired to do this kind of by the episode where Marshall's dad died. Also this was inspired by the song "For the Love of a Daughter" by Demi Lovato. Which if you haven't heard it you totally should because its a really amazing song and I feel like it roughly fits Robin. I would love it if you could read and review because I really want to write a chapter two, but I don't know if anyone is going to like this. This is my first time writing a fanfic for HIMYM and so I hope I got the characters right.

* * *

It's been a while since we were all able to all hang out together. What with Lily and Marshall being occupied with Marvin, Ted and Victoria trying to figure out their relationship, and Barney planning his wedding with Quinn. But tonight its back to normal. Its just us. No Quinn or Victoria. Just us hanging out like old times.

In the middle of one of Barney's dirty stories my phone rings. I check the caller ID and it turns out its my little sister Katie. "Hey whats up?" I answer.

"Robin, its dad. Something awful happened." My heart skips a beat as I run out of the noise bar.

"Katie what happened?"

"He.. he had a stroke, while hunting and he's…" Her voice broke. "He's in the hospital Robin. The doctors don't think he will make it."

"I'll be there as soon as I can" I say. Quickly ending the call before Katie can hear the fear in my voice.

* * *

My dad and I have never been really close. He always looked at me like a son and not a daughter. He pushed me to do things that I didn't want to do, but I would have done anything thing for him. After trying and failing repeatedly I gave up and moved in with my mom. But I still held on to the hope that one day I would make him proud of me. The fact that I might I might not have the chance to do that scares me.

I sat down on the stairs to Lily and Marshall's apartment. I should probably have been rushing over to Canada, but I couldn't. I just sat there unable to figure out what to do next. If I went I would have to face my dad and possibly say goodbye, forever. I wasn't ready for that. On the other hand if I didn't go that would make it look like I didn't care. I must have been contemplating this for a while, because Lily came to look for me. "Sweetie are you okay?" she asks.

"My, my dad had a stroke." I say, grimacing as how my voice shakes. "He might not make it." Lily is instantly by my side, embracing me in a tight hug.

"Oh Robin, i'm so sorry."

"He, he's in the hospital." I blurt out knowing that she will tell me the right thing to do. She releases her embrace.

"Are you going to see him?"

"Umm yeah" I quickly decide "I, I…" I am unable to finish my sentence, but that doesn't stop Lily. "I'll go tell the others, while you catch a cab and then I'll come help you pack". I was too choked up to really tell her no, so I nodded yes and watched her run back to the others.

* * *

Before I could even get up Barney is standing over me. He doesn't say anything, just sits down next to me. I am fighting back tears as I turn to look at him. "Robin, you are going to be okay." He finally says as I lose it. I cry into his shoulder as he holds me close.

* * *

Moments later Marshall is getting a cab Barney is putting me into it. Lily gets in and is giving the taxi driver my address as we speed down the New York streets. "Lil you don't have to do this for me." I finally manage to tell her. Even though at this point I really don't think I could get ready alone. I still don't want anyone going to any trouble for me.

"Robin, don't be silly i'm just going to help you pack. I really wish that I could come with you to Canada, but well I don't think I could leave Marshall alone with Marvin. I'm really sorry sweetie."

"No Lily you don't have to come with me, but thank you." I start realizing that I don't want anyone to come with me. I want to do this alone. My phone starts to buzz. Its a text message from Katie. 'When r u going 2 be here?'. To be honest I didn't really want to go. I didn't want to have to face my father, knowing that he would never love me. But Katie was counting on me to come. She would never forgive me if I wasn't there. I start to panic "Lily what if there aren't any flights tonight? What if I can't make it in time? What if…"

"Don't worry Robin, Ted said he would find you a ticket and be over as soon as possible. Everything will be fine!" I realize that a little part of my was hoping that I wouldn't have to go back. That there would be no tickets. That even though I had to be there for Katie, if I tried everything and still failed then it couldn't be helped. I text Katie back 'i'll be there as soon as i can katie, text u more info l8r.'

* * *

I sit on the edge of my bed watching Lily throw my things into a suitcase. I haven't packed a single thing, just let Lily do it all. Lily however either doesn't seem to notice, or is being a good friend and not telling me. I sit here in silence, barley nodding as Lily asks if she should pack my yellow sundress that she says I look amazing in. I don't bother telling her that its freezing in Canada and that sundress isn't going to help the cold. I am to busy thinking about my dad. What was I going to say to him?

After she's finishes packing Lily sits down next to me. "Robin…" I see her searching for words that would somehow help, but she can't find them. Instead I give her a hug to thank her for trying to help. There's a knock on the door and Lily goes to open it. I get up, get my passport that Lily forgot to pack, throw it in my purse, and go to find Ted waiting.

"Robin, we better hurry the flight is in 45 minutes." Ted says, grabbing my suitcases.

I turn around to thank Lily again, "Bye Lil, thank you so much." I say giving her one last hug.

* * *

"Ted you don't have to take me to the airport."

"Robin, i'm coming with you."

"Okay find Ted, but seriously I think I can get there by myself."

"Robin, its fine. You need someone there with you, and no one else can do it." I shake my head, but to be honest its nice to know that Ted cares. We arrive at the airport and Ted starts taking bags out of the trunk. Wait some of these bags aren't even mine.

"Ted whose's bags are those?"

"Mine"

"What the hell Ted, I thought you meant you were coming to the airport with me. Not Canada!" I grabbed my bags out of his hand, furious that he would invite himself without telling me.

"Robin, why can't I come with you?"

"Because Ted, this isn't your business. I can do it by myself." I grab the rest of my bags and leave without saying goodbye.

* * *

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	2. Let Me Down

This chapter is a little bit different then my first chapter. I really wanted there to be a lot of Robin's past shown throughout this chapter. It might be a little bit hard to understand at times but hopefully it will start to make sense soon. Also there are parts of this chapter that probably make no sense what so ever and you probably think shouldn't be in this chapter or story for that matter. However, this story is kind of going to be a story inside of a story, which again makes no sense, but once I write it hopefully it will all come together. Also last chapter I had a song that sort of went with it, so I wanted to do that again with this chapter. So the song is Because of You by Kelly Clarkson, and before you're like "eww who likes Kelly Clarkson" listen to the song. I know that the song wasn't written for a father daughter relationship, but if u pretend it is it fits Robin and her dad pretty well in my opinion. Anyway thank you for reading this.

* * *

Before they got divorced my parents use to fight all the time. They fought about everything. About how my mom was always out late. Or how my dad was to absorbed in doing things his way to realize he might be hurting someone. Once Katie was born and my dad still never got the son he wanted he really blew up. My mom left him takin Katie with her, but I stayed. I wanted to. Now that i'm older I wonder what really killed my parents marriage. I know my dad always wanted a son, and Katie wasn't that, but I always thought he raise me as is his son. Was I not good enough for him? Or maybe my mom was having an affair. She never seemed to be around, and she would come back late at night to my dad yelling at her, glasses smashing, Katie crying in the other room. Well one day my mom left and never came back. Did my dad even care?

* * *

After passing through airport security I arrive at my terminal. People start to board the plane. I don't move. He wouldn't really care if I was there or not. He wouldn't even notice. I might as well not even go. Its not like he would come for me. I get up to leave the airport when, "Robin where are you going?". Oh god, Ted. I forgot. "You're going to miss your flight."

"Ted I'm not going." Even though I hadn't really made up my mind had I?

"Robin you have to go. He's your dad." Ted said, grabbing my hand and pulling me into an embrace. I close my eyes, willing myself not to cry. "I know you are scared but you have to do this. I'll come with you." I don't want this one night to be the biggest regret of my life. If I don't go I know that I will forever regret it. Ted is the one person that knows that, he knows me possibly more then I know myself. I decide that I might as well let him come. At least he will keep me from turning back.

I take a deep breath, "We better hurry" I say, grabbing my bag.

* * *

On the way to Canada I ask, "Ted whats Victoria going to say when she finds out you came with me?"

"What? Why would she care?" Ted says, obviously clueless.

"Ted you can't be serious! You left her for me before. If I was her I wouldn't exactly let you run off with me." Talking to Ted takes my mind off things. Its easy and I didn't have to think twice about anything.

"Come on Robin, you don't have to worry, you know I would put my life on hold for you. I"

"You better not be telling me you love me Ted. Cuz I don't think I can handle that again." I say laughing. This has become a little joke with us now. Now that we know that we will never be together, its nice to have my best friend back.

* * *

I text Katie, telling her that we are at the airport. As I wait for Ted to come back with the luggage I remember the last time I was here.

I was 16, blonde and a canadian pop star. My best friend at the time, Jessica, was with me. We had just come back from one of my mall tours. Jessica and I did everything together. We were pretty much the exact definition of best friends. We barely spent a day apart. I remember that that day we were checking out hot guy and imagining what our life would be like if we married them. Back then we use to do this a lot, which i'm sure if I told anyone that knows me now they wouldn't believe me. Lily would probably have a heart attack and Ted would probably propose. Anyway I always imagined marrying some blonde, extremely hot, rich guy. We wouldn't have any kids because they would get in the way of our relationship. We would be so in love that everyone around us would be jealous and we would have the most legendary love story of all time.

Thats when I saw him.

* * *

"Robin, your sisters waiting." Ted says leading me outside.

"What? Oh." I say startled out of reverie. Katie was waiting outside the car for us. I give her a big hug, "How's dad?" I ask quickly before I could chicken out.

"He's in a coma, but the doctors are letting us see him now. They don't know when he will wake up." She said. Surprisingly she didn't seem like she was so shaken up. I guess I forgot that she was never really fond of dad.

"But umm, he is going to be waking up isn't he?" I say realizing how desperate I sound Ted puts his arm around my shoulder. I don't want Katie to see me cry so I quickly turn around and get in the back of the car. "We better get going" I say not waiting for Katie to answer.

* * *

The first person I see when we get there is my mother. Which is a huge surprise because I really wasn't expecting her to be there, considering the divorce and all. I didn't even know she still talked to my dad. "Mom what are you doing here?" I say confused.

"Robin, your father's not doing well. You should go see him." She says completely avoiding my question. I'll talk to her later. Ted of course asks if he can come with me, but this time I have to do it by myself.

I ride the elevator to the third floor. He was in room 302. I took a deep breath and told myself I could do this. It would be over soon. I just had to see him. I stand outside his door, grab the handel and push before I change my mind. As I went in tears started pouring down my face at the sight of him.

All my life my dad has been this big powerful person, but now he looked small and frail. He didn't look like the dad who taught me to love scotch and hockey and never made me feel good enough. He wasn't the dad who was yelling at my mother all those lonely nights I spent crying in my room when I was little. He wasn't the dad who had made me cry over and over again when I let him down. When **he let me down. **The person lying in that bed looked like what was inside my dad. All the love that he never gave my mom or Katie. That he never gave me. Every single time I swear I didn't care if my dad loved me it was a lie. But this time it all didn't seem to matter, because he was my dad. He was the one person who I wanted to love me the most. Even if he didn't love me, I loved him. I lean over to kiss his head, some of my tears fall on his face. I wipe them off and whisper, "I love you daddy". And then run out of the room.

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I would love it if you could review this chapter.


	3. Falling Apart

First of all I want to apologize for the spelling and grammer mistakes that I have made and didn't catch when editing. Sorry. Also thank you to the people who are actually reading the third chapter, you guys are awesome! I'm sorry I didn't really get any b/r in this chapter, but I will try to make that up to you next chapter.

* * *

Tonight was a going to be a bad night. I knew it the instant my mother left the house at four pm saying she "would be back soon". The flu was going around at school and I wasn't feeling very good. After trying to go to bed around ten, my nine year old self got up and staggered downstairs. "Daddy I don't feel well" I said walking into my fathers office.

"Go to bed RJ". My father said roughly.

"But Daddy, I think I might..." and before I could say anything else I threw up all over my dads office. Terrified I cried, "I'm so so sorry Daddy." Tears starting fall. My dad was very particular about his office, I was not allowed to be in it if he wasn't there, and I especially wasn't allowed to throw up all over it. "I'll go get a towel." I say, but before I could get out of my dads office I throw up again. My dad gets up and for a second I thought he was going to carry me to bed. Instead he came to inspect the damage I caused to his carpet.

"Get out RJ." He yelled. For a moment I thought he was going to hit me. The look on his face showed that he was contemplating doing so. I get up off the floor and walk to the door, I linger for a moment and watch as my dad calls the maid to come clean up. Disgusted, I ran to the bathroom crying. I washed vomit out of my hair as I heard my mom come home. All I wanted to do was run downstairs into my mothers arms, but instead I listen to my parents fighting. Katie starts to cry in the other room. I try to make her stop but I can't. So I sit on the floor near her crib and cry with her.

* * *

The first person I see after I leave my dad's room is my mom. I don't really know what to say. I'm still crying slightly and try to turn away so she can't see the tears. "Robin, baby." She says trying to comfort me. "He had a good life."

"He didn't die yet mom." I say annoyed. "If thats what you're here for." I step away from her.

"Robin, what are you talking about?" Confused, she tries to reach out for me again. I don't let her touch me.

"Where were you? All those nights when I was little, when you left us. What were you doing?" I spat, my pent up anger exploding. "Were you having an affair? Did you love somebody else?"

"Robin, I didn't mean for it to happen." She began, looking hopelessly at me. "Please just let me explain".

"What going on?" It was Katie. She looked from my tear stained face to my mom who was desperately trying to calm me down. Disgusted I walk away.

* * *

"No Marshall people don't just recognize her here. I mean its not like we've really been anywhere, other then the airport and this hospital, but so far no nurses have wanted her autograph." I hear Ted say as I enter the hospital cafeteria. He sees me coming and hangs up his phone. "Robin what happened?" He asks. The cafeteria only had a couple chairs and I find Ted pulling me onto his lap. At first I want to refuse, but i'm crying and he grabs my waist. I rest my head on his chest as the sobs escape from my mouth. Ted holds me like that for a long time, running his fingers through my hair in a comforting way.

I finally manage to stop crying, "Ted my mom had an affair." I say sitting up a little bit.

"What?"

"When she was married to my dad she had an affair, maybe more then one affair. All I know is she cheated on my dad."

"Did your dad know?"

"I don't know, I was to upset with my mom to ask her and you know what, I don't what to know. Its just, I've always thought that the reason my parents got divorced was my dads fault. Its just another thing I blamed him for, but umm apparently it was all my moms fault."

"Robin, you won't know for sure if you don't ask." Ted said. I get up from his lap, grab some napkins from a table and start to wipe my face off. I don't want to talk about this anymore. But of course, knowing my luck, Katie shows up.

"Robin! What happened? Mom wants to talk to you."

"You know Katie, Robin's really tired. I think we are just going to go to the hotel now. We will come back in the morning and Robin can talk to your mom then." Ted said, coming to my rescue.

"Oh okay I guess." Katie said clearly confused. "Do you want to take my car? You stuff is there anyway. I can go with Mom." She said looking at me for an answer.

"Thanks Katie." I say, I walk over and give her a hug, taking her keys I turn to Ted. "Lets go."

* * *

The hotel we were staying at only had a couple rooms available, all of which only had one bed. We decided that it would be easiest just to get one room considering this trip wasn't planned and Ted was going to sleep on the floor. "Ted you can sleep on the bed with me. Its fine."

"No, Robin I don't want to make you uncomfortable." He said as he grabbed a pillow off the bed.

"Listen Ted, its not like we haven't slept in the same bed together before, right?" I say as I take the pillow back. I put it back in the bed. "Its not like we are going to do 're just as tired as I am"

"Robin are you sure?" Ted asks, sitting on the bed.

"Yes. Its not going to be a problem for me." I grab the bag Lily packed me. "I'm going to take a shower."

* * *

Thats when I saw him. He was older, in a band, and so incredibly hot. He was everything sixteen year old me thought she wanted. I thought it was love at first sight. To be honest it was really just teenage infatuation, but I thought I loved him. When we broke up I was a complete mess. I thought my life was over. I actually went to a bridge to possibly jump.

I'm really glad I did go to that bridge. That's when my life changed forever.

* * *

A/N. I'm really excited for the next chapter. I'm going to write a love story for Robin and ... somebody you will see. Don't worry its not Ted. Hopefully if you read this far you will continue to read more. Thank you for reading :)


	4. Changed My Life

Okay so I know I totally promised a love story last chapter, but I only really wrote about that at the end of this chapter. Sorry! But I really liked the way this chapter turned out, so i'm keeping it this way. Also theres a ton of b/r in this. So hopefully that makes up for the previous lack of it. Also Robin swear a little bit, not that much, but a little bit. Hopefully that doesn't bug you.

* * *

I always divided my life into two parts. There was the outside part, which is what everyone saw. Then there was the inside part, the part that nobody knew. When I was sixteen my both parts of my life fell apart. My boyfriend, Simon, broke up with me and my parents hated me.

I had moved out of my dads house at fourteen when I couldn't take it anymore. I called my mom one night and she picked me up without asking any questions. I remember waiting for her outside on the curb. Wordlessly putting my luggage in her trunk. Katie was only five and asleep in the backseat.

All those nights my mom left when I was younger I didn't know where she went. When I moved in with her she wasn't there either. I just wanted somebody to be there when I got home. Someone who would ask me how my day went. Someone waiting up worried when I didn't get home until one in the morning.

* * *

I got out of the shower, my hair dripping down my back. I search through the bag Lily packed for some pajamas. Awkwardly enough Lily managed to pack my sexiest night attire. Great, Ted is not going to like this. "Hey Ted?" I call through the bathroom door. "Do you by any chance have an extra long shirt I can wear?"

"Uh. Yeah here you can wear this." He brings the shirt to the bathroom door and gives it to my extended hand.

"Thanks." Putting it on it barley covers my butt. Oh well its not like I can really help it. And theres no way i'm wearing the stuff Lily packed. Ted would barely be able to keep his hands off me. I put my hair up in a towel and get out of the bathroom. "Do you want to take a shower?" I ask Ted as I search for my phone.

"Sure." As Ted goes into the bathroom I check my text messages.

**Lily:** Hey Robin. I just want to make sure you are okay. I love you and if you need to talk or anything you know you can call me. I'll answer no matter what time it is or how tired I am. I just want you to know that we love you and we will do anything that you need us to do for you sweetie. I hope you are okay - Lily

_Gosh Lily sounds even more upset then I am. _I text her back, ' Thanks Lil, i'm doing okay right now. Call you if I need anything, love you -Robin'

**Marshall: **Robin I just want you to know that I wish I would have had a chance to say bye to my dad. So even if you don't want to do it you should say goodbye to yours. I know that you might not think that you want to now, but trust me you will regret it if you don't.

_I know deep down that Marshall is right, I would have regretted not coming. Even though now I not only might lose my dad, but I ruined my relationship with my mom too. _'I'm trying Marshall, but its harder to say goodbye then I thought'. I finally decide to text him. It might not be the complete truth, but its better then nothing. **  
**

**Victoria**: Robin I know Ted's there with you and I just want to say I don't care. I trust that you and Ted won't make any bad decisions. I'm really glad that Ted could be a good friend to you. Know that you can call me if you need anything honey.

_Wow okay, well hopefully us sharing a bed isn't a bad decision. '_Thanks.' I finally decide to write, this situation is awkward enough as it is.

**Quinn**: Barney told me what happened. Sorry to hear. Hope all is okay.

_Bitch! Sorry my ass. Didn't even bother to try and make it seem like you cared._ I don't even bother replying to that.

**Katie: **Robin what the hell happened? Mom is so pissed, what did you do?

_I'm to tired to deal with this bullshit right now._ 'Will explain later.' I text her.

There was one more message, this one was a voicemail. I must not have heard my phone ringing earlier because I woud have deffinately picked this call up.

"Robin, please don't get mad at me for saying this, but your dad's a jerk. How could he have let a day in his life go by without loving the most amazing girl i've ever known? He should have never treated you the way he did. You deserve so much better than that. You don't realize this, but you change people once you come into their lives. I know you changed my life. You made me a better person. A person that I never thought I could be, but you made me want to be that person. I don't want to ever not know you again because I can't imagine my life without you in it. Your dad is missing out Robin. I know your dad might never say this, but I want you to know that, Robin i'm proud of you." Barney. Tears stream down my face as I go outside the hotel room. I don't want Ted to hear this. I don't want anyone to hear this. Just me and him. I call Barney and sink down to sit on the floor. "Robin."

"Barney I heard your message. I can't... " I'm really crying now and its getting hard for me to talk.

"Robin are you crying? Its okay you don't have to say anything. Its okay Robin. But listen, I really meant all those things I said. I wouldn't take back anything. But I can't stand to see you hurt. So please promise me you won't do anything stupid."

"Thank you so much." We talk for a little bit after that. Barney was trying to make me laugh and eventually he did. Ted came looking for me and I ended the call. Before I get into bed I send a text message. 'Quinn you are the luckiest girl in the world'.

* * *

Even though I hadn't slept at all in the past 24 hours I could get to sleep. To many things happened today. All these thoughts were swimming around my head. I had been able to shut most of them out, except for one. I had never told anyone this. Its a part of my life that I don't want to forget exactly, but i've never been comfortable with telling anyone either. Maybe its because I was back in Canada, or maybe its because Ted was sleeping awfully close to me. I had to tell somebody. I couldn't keep it in anymore. I turn on my side to face Ted, who was fast asleep. I felt kind of bad waking him, but it was his idea to come to Canada with me. "Ted." I say, I extend my leg and sort of kick him awake. "Ted I need to tell you something." I'm sitting up now. "Ted please wake up." This time I give him a good shove.

"Robin, whats going on?" Ted groggily says, opening his eyes.

"Ted there's something I need to tell you. But I haven't told anyone this." I take a deep breath and begin my story. "Remember my ex-boyfriend Simon?"

* * *

When Simon broke up with me I was extremely upset. This is going to sound crazy, but I went to this bridge and was thinking about jumping. I was crying, the kind of crying where its not too intense for you to talk, but you still feel exhausted afterwards. I didn't think that this bridge was very popular, but it turns out I was wrong. There was this other guy there. I was a little embarrassed to cry infront of a random stranger at first, but I then realized that if he came to jump he must be messed up too. We stood there in silence for a while, me crying and him just standing there "Why are you here?" he finally asked.

"My boyfriend broke up with me." I said, not caring how pathetic I sounded.

"Why?"

"Some other girl got a pool. So he dumped me."

"Thats just stupid. If I was your boyfriend I would never break up with you?"

"Yes you probably would. Everyone breaks up with me."

"No, I never would break up with you. You are the prettiest girl i've ever seen."

"Really?" I said, trying not to blush.

"Yeah."

* * *

Okay I know the ending sounds so lame, but remember it is sixteen year old Robin. In case you weren't clear Robin is telling Ted the story that in the last flashback. So yeah. Hopefully you like. Please review if you can. Thanks for reading.


	5. Fearless

**A/N:** Sorry it took me so long to update. I have to say that this is probably my favorite chapter so far. So hopefully you will like it too. I think the perfect song for this chapter is Fearless by Taylor Swift, it really fits the Robin and the boy from the bridges relationship. You will understand if you keep reading. Sorry in advance for any spelling/grammar mistakes I made.

* * *

"So do you really think that guy was a jerk for breaking up with me?" I ask. The boy from the bridge and I realized that we didn't really have anything else to do at the moment, so we might as well get something to eat. We were now sitting in a local diner sharing a plate of fries.

"Well I don't know how you don't know this, but a lot of guys would die to go out with you Robin Sparkles."

"Oh so you know who I am." This kind of thing happened a lot. People would recognize me and pretend that they didn't know me. Then later they would admit that they only hung out with me because I was famous. I wished he didn't recognize me, things were going so well.

"Well I thought I knew who you were but I guess not."

"Wait, what?" I said, completely confused.

"Well I thought you were just some pretty girl who made crappy music."

"Wait hold up. 'Crappy music'? You don't think my music is good?" This had never happened before.

"Sorry, but do you really need to go to the mall 'today'? What could possibly be so important in your life that you absolutely have to go to the mall today? I think you could probably wait."

"Well excuse me if my music isn't good enough for your taste... you never did tell me what your name was." I suddenly realize that I had no idea who this person was. Yet I was strangely having a lot of fun. I felt more comfortable with him then I did with Simon. Except he was insulting my music.

"Cooper, and I just don't think its really realistic. You should stay in school Robin and make something out of yourself. Don't waste your life making crappy music and going to the mall 'today'."

"What ever Cooper, you are probably just jealous because you aren't famous like me." I respond, even thought I doubt he is. "Wait you said that you thought you knew me, but then?"

"It turns out you are less superficial- and more human- then I thought, I actually can't imagine that you sing that song anyway."

* * *

"Robin are you okay?" I had buried my head in my knees. I didn't think telling the story would be this hard. I hadn't even gotten to the worst parts yet. Ted had started patting me on the back, clearly unsure of what else to do.

"I'm sorry, I didn't know this would happen." I say into my knees.

"Its okay, you can take as long as you need. Maybe we should just go to sleep." Ted lies back down. Without thinking I lay down next to him, a little bit to close for people who weren't dating.

"Sorry!" I quickly scoot away.

"Hey, don't worry about it" Ted says, this time he moves closer to me. He kisses the top of my head and I don't move away.

After I calm down I continue the story, "Cooper and I talked all night. Then when it was six in the morning I went home. I didn't have his number, I didn't even know his last name, but I thought about him, a lot. He was kind of all I could think about for weeks. Then on my Sandcastles in the Sand music videos shoot he came. He said that he knew I would be there and I started laughing and then he kissed me."

* * *

"I've been waiting to do that for so long." He said, smiling down at me.

"I couldn't stop thinking about you, which was a problem because I don't even know your last name." I laugh.

"Well maybe we should go out sometime so I can tell"

"Okay, but first you have to tell me what you think about this new song."

* * *

"Do you really think this is a good idea?" I ask as we find the toilet paper section.

"Nothing we do is ever a good idea, but we are going to do it anyways." He rips open a bag and hands me a roll. We then start to decorate the store in the toliet paper- streamer style. Our plan was to see how many rolls we could use before we get caught. It really was a stupid idea, normal people probably wouldn't even think that it was fun, but for us it was.

"Cooper can you hold this cart still?" I say climbing into it. He holds it steady while I start to decorate the top shelve.

"What the hell are you doing?"

"Oh shit, Sparkles I think this is our cue to leave." Cooper says. I sit down in the cart, unable to get out fast enough. "Hold on." Cooper pushes the cart and me through the exit and into the parking lot. We are laughing hysterically as he grabs my hand and I jump down from the cart. We then run as fast as we can.

* * *

"Robin. Robin. Robin." Katie screams, she runs into my room and starts to jump on my bed. "Phone for you!"

"Who is it Katie?"

"I don't know. I didn't ask." Shaking my head I walk into the kitchen to answer.

"Hello?"

"Robin what are you doing right this second?"

"Oh hi Cooper, umm im just babysitting my little sister. Why?"

"Well get your coats on, we are going sledding!"

"Right now? Cooper its almost 11 at night."

"Its the perfect time. Nobody else will be there."

"Yeah, well what about my sister."

"Robin, kids love sledding. You better hurry. I'll be at your house in twenty minutes."

"Wait Cooper i'm..." He hung up before I could say anything. Katie walks into the room, dragging her favorite stuffed teddy bear along.

"Who was that?"

"My friend Cooper. He wants us to go sledding. Do you want to go?" I ask, suddenly excited.

"Yes, yes, yes, yes!" Katie jumps up and down. "I'll get my coat!"

* * *

"Are you going to take us sledding?" Katie asks Cooper as I buckle her into his car.

"Yes I am." He laughs as I slide in shotgun. He starts the car and we drive up to the sledding hill.

"Are you Robin's boyfriend?" Katie asks from the back seat.

"You don't have to answer her if you don't want to." I whisper to Cooper. "Katie stop asking so many questions." I say loud enough for everyone to hear.

"Yes I am Robin's boyfriend. Do you think we make a cute couple?" He answers anyway.

Katie thinks for a while before finally blurting out, "I think Robin should marry you."

"Why do you think that?" I quickly ask, I didn't want her to freak Cooper out.

"Because he's fun. He takes you sledding in the middle of the night."

* * *

"I want to go with Cooper next!" Katie says running up the hill. Cooper and I carry the sled up the hill. We had been sledding for a while now. It was freezing and I was getting worried that we might be getting frostbite. Cooper had once again convinced me that it was okay and this was a good idea. It really was fun though. We figured out that Cooper was the best sledder. He somehow was able to steer the sled down the hill making it go super fast. "Hurry up guys!" Katie yells from the top of the hill.

"We're coming!" Cooper tells her. "Hey Robin are you cold?"

"A lit..." He kisses me before I could finish talking. We pull apart after a couple seconds and he takes the sled from my hands, runs the rest of the way up the hill to my baby sister. I watch as they sled down the hill. Both of them laughing.

'Robin should marry you'. I remember Katie's words. "Maybe I will" I say into the cold.

* * *

I get the blankets out of the trunk and follow him. The last time I was here was during the Sandcastles in the Sand music video. It was where we had our first kiss. "Robin look how beautiful the water looks." Cooper says taking my hand. He leads me down the beach and I spread out the blankets. He lies down on the blankets and I lie next to him. We make out for a while, but its too cold to do anything else. So we just lie next to each other staring at the sky. I turn to face him and he looks back at me.

"You know, other then Katie, no one I know knows about you." I tell him.

"I haven't told anyone about you either."

"Why not?" I said kind of offended. "Wouldn't you want to tell your friends that you are dating Robin Sparkles? I mean I think thats a pretty big deal."

"Why didn't you tell anyone about me? I'm not exactly the ugliest guy in the world." He replies.

"Well I didn't want anyone else knowing. People interfere with things that they shouldn't. Its not their relationship. Its ours."

"I didn't tell anyone because I didn't want anyone to judge us. They would think that the only reason why i'm going out with you is because you are Robin Sparkles, but they don't really know you. They don't know us."

* * *

"He didn't call me after that." I sob.

"Robin, that guy is a jerk." Ted said, he got off the bed and grabbed his jacket. "Where does he live? I'll kill him if I ever see him. How the hell could he do that to you. After sledding, after the toliet paper?"

"No Ted, stop, you don't understand." I get up, and grab his hand. "He didn't do it to hurt me." I cried. Ted pulls me into a hug. "He was sick." I whisper.

* * *

**A/N:** Hopefully you liked this chapter. I'll try to make the next chapter clear things up. Sorry if this was a little confusing.


	6. Never Breaking Up

**A/N:** I personally don't really like this chapter that much, nothing really happens, but it sets the seeds for the next chapter. I don't have a song to go with this one either. Sorry. Thanks for reading. Please leave a reviews.

* * *

"Why won't he call me!" I cried into my pillow. It had been two weeks and I hadn't heard from him. I didn't know what I did wrong, the last time I saw him we had an amazing night. I didn't think he would be the kind of person who would cheat on me and then not even call, but maybe he was. It really sucked because I couldn't tell anyone. Even though I wanted to. We had a deal, it wouldn't be fair, even if he was cheating on me and everything we had was a lie I still couldn't tell.

I got a call that night."Is this Robin?"

"Yes, who is this?"

"I'm Coopers mom. He wanted me to tell you that he's very sorry that he hasn't called you."

He told her? How could he tell her? Why did he tell her? "Why didn't he call me himself?"

"Honey.. Cooper didn't tell you did he?"

"Tell me what?"

"He's in the hospital, he has cancer." The room started spinning. I felt like I was going to fall over, I sat down on the floor to try and stop the dizziness, but it didn't work. "It doesn't look good this time. He really wants to see you. Please just come." It was to much to take in. I didn't know what to do. I wanted to cry but tears wouldn't come. I wanted scream, but I couldn't say anything.

* * *

I was crying so hard that Ted had to hold me up. He picked me up and sat down on the bed, me sitting in this lap the way a child would. He gently rocks me back and forth, but its not helping. Nothing he can say will make me feel better. Eventually Ted gives up and puts me in bed. He wraps the blanket around me in a tight cocoon, so I couldn't get out. He says something about making a call and goes outside, but I don't really hear him over my sobs.

* * *

I wake up to the sight of Ted huddled on the other side of the bed without a blanket. My head is pounding as I sit up. It suddenly all comes rushing back. My dad is in the hospital, my mom's a cheater, Cooper is... "Robin you're up."

"Ted, what time is it?" I ask, holding my pounding head.

"We were up all night. I think you should go back to sleep Robin."

"No, I need to find my phone." I said getting out of bed. I pull the blankets off the bed and start to shake them. "Where the hell is my phone?" Ted realizes i'm not going to listen to him and gets up to help me look. I finally find it under Ted's jacket. It turns out it was already 11. The first thing I do is call Katie.

"Hey, i'm so sorry, its been kind of a crazy night. Hows dad doing?" I start digging through my bag to find something decent to wear. Ted stands at the other end of the room staring at me. "What?" I mouth. He just shakes his head and goes into the bathroom.

"Its actually looking pretty good. They think he might wake up soon."

"But he hasn't woken up yet."

"No, but the doctor says that it looks promising."

"Okay, do you think Ted and I should come right away?"

"Robin, mom wants to talk to you." Oh crap.

"I have to go Katie. I'll be at the hospital by one. Love you, bye." I hurriedly say before my mother has a chance to talk to me.

"Robin when was the last time you ate something?" Ted says, coming out of the bathroom.

"Umm, yesterday before going to the bar. Wait I skipped lunch because I had a meeting. But I had breakfast."

"What did you have?"

"Half a bagel." I suddenly was starving. "God lets get some food."

* * *

We found a place that had pancakes. After eating about one third of our order I start talking. "Do you want me to finish."

"Well you don't have to eat all of them. I can still eat more, but if you want them all go ahead."

"What, no Ted, not the pancakes. Do you want me to finish the story."

"Oh, well do you want to?"

"I guess." I stare at my pancakes for a while. "I didn't go to the hospital at first. It took me three days before I could finally face him. I didn't know what to say. I was angry at him for not telling me. But on the other hand, if he did tell me everything would have been different. You know?"

"Of course! You would have viewed him differently. You might have not wanted to go out with him if you knew that you would get hurt."

"So do you think he did the right thing?"

"Well I don't know if it was the 'right' thing necessarily, but it does sound like you had fun together. If he told you, you might not have done those things. You might have never gotten to love him"

"I didn't say anything about loving him. I never told him I loved him." I realized.

"But did you?"

* * *

I took the elevator up to his floor. My heart pounding. I didn't want to have to see him like this. I didn't want to believe that it was true.

"Are you Robin?" I blonde lady wearing a business suit asked me.

"Yes."

"I'm Coopers mom. Cooper can't wait to see you."

"Oh hi." I say following her through the hospital. Even though she was very professional she still seemed nice. She stops in front of his room.

"You should go in alone." She opens the door and after I don't go in, kind of pushes me in. Cooper lies there, grinning at me.

"Hi." I say, awkwardly still standing by the door.

"Sparkles, come sit down." I walk over to the chair. "No, Robin come here." So then I walk over to his bed. He grabs me and starts to kiss me. I kiss him back but then pull away. I sit on the side of his bed.

"Why didn't you tell me?"

"I didn't want to."

"But didn't you think I deserved to know?"

"You were the only person I knew who didn't know. You were the only person who didn't treat me differently. My friends wouldn't do all that crazy stuff we did together. Only you did."

"Well are you going to be okay?" I think I already knew the answer, but I didn't want it to be true.

"I don't think i'm going to make it this time. Its really bad." I bite my lip to try and stop the tears. A few escape and he gently wipes them off. "Robin remember when we first met?"

"Yeah, the night on the bridge."

"Yes, do you remember what I told you?"

"That I was pretty? That you hated my music?"

"No, that if I dated you I would never break up with you. I'm never going to."

* * *

Ted grabbed my hand from across the table and squeezed it. He pays the check and then walks me to the car. "Do you think I did the right thing?"

"Yes." He didn't even know what I was talking about. I didn't want to explain myself, so I let it slide. "Hey you know Lily really wants you to give her a call."

"Okay." I say taking out my phone. I dial Lily's number. She answers right away.

"Robin, sweetie are you okay?"

"Hi Lily, yes I'm fine."

"How bad is it?"

"He's actually looking better today."

"Thats amazing news!" We talked for a little while after that about Marvin and how everyone else was doing. Lily seemed a little bit apprehensive, like she sensed that I would break down at any moment.

"Hey Ted, you didn't happen to tell Lily about what happened yesterday did you?"

"What happend yesterday?"

"You know."

"No I don't know Robin. A lot happened yesterday. Are you talking about us sleeping in the same bed, because I don't really think thats such a big deal. Or what happend with your mom, because honestly I don't even know whats going on there."

"No Ted." I was getting annoyed. "Did you tell her about Cooper?"

"No."

"Who did you call last night?"

"What?"

"After I started crying, you put me to bed and then went outside with your phone. Who did you call?"

"Oh it was just... Victoria."

"Oh. What did you tell her."

"Nothing, don't worry it wasn't about you."

"Oh okay." I kind of wished that he hadn't called her, but I don't know why. Its not like we were dating, or that I liked him.

"Wow there's no parking spots left. Here why don't I just drop you off at the door so you don't have to walk." Ted changes the subject.

"Thanks." In any other situation I would have said no, but I didn't want to be in the car with him after that talk. Plus it did kind of seem like he was trying to get rid of me. I get out of the car and walk into the hospital entrance.

The first person I see is my mom.

* * *

**A/N: **I don't know when I'll have the time to write the next chapter because I'm going to be busy now, but hopefully I will finish this story soon.


	7. Hurting Yourself

**A/N: **I hope you like this chapter. Theres tons of b/r :)

* * *

"But you can't. No. There has to be away to get rid of it. No. No. No. This can't be happening. No. No."

"Robin calm down."

"No. I'm not going to calm down. I can't calm down. I don't want this to happen. I can't let this happen."

"You don't really have a choice do you?"

"I'll find the best doctor in the world and have him save you. I'll write another song, an amazing song, that everyone likes and I'll become rich and be able to afford him."

"Robin, stop. Listen to me. Its okay."

"But Cooper, its not okay. You are not okay."

"I know that, but I've known for a long time that this was going to happen to me."

"Well I didn't know, Cooper. I never thought in a million years that it was going to end this way." I sit next to him on the hospital bed. He puts his frail arm around me as I rest my head on his shoulder.

"No one wants it to end like this."

* * *

"Robin, stop you aren't getting away this time." My mom grabs my arm and tries to pull me into a near by waiting room.

"Mom. I'm too old for you to do this." I say, yanking my arm away. I quickly start to walk towards the elevators.

"Get back here right now." she yells. When she realizes i'm not going to listen she runs to catch up with me.

"Will you just leave me alone?" I scream. "I don't want to talk to you."

"I don't care what you want. I need to talk to you." Of course she doesn't care what I want. She's never cared.

"Fine." I give in, everyone deserves a chance to plead their case. "Ten minutes." I follow my mother to an empty waiting room. She sits down, and motions for me to sit next to her. I sit down across from her, "talk."

"I wish I could have been there for you, when you were younger and I was... out a lot. I didn't think you needed me, you were always so independent. I didn't think you even cared." Of course I was independent, no one was there for me. How could I be dependent on people who weren't there.

"What about Katie? She was only a baby. Do you think she was independent then too?" I say angrily.

"You don't understand Robin. I loved him." She said desperately.

"How can you say that? What about Daddy? "

"I didn't know I was going to fall in love with him, but I did. I'm sure you aren't perfect Robin, haven't you ever cheated on someone." Kevin. Was I just a hypocrite? Did I turn into my mother?

"I have to go." I said, I got up and walked away as fast as I could. I ducked into the nearest bathroom. Was I really my mom? I had to ask somebody, but I didn't want anyone to find out that I was a cheater, so I called the only person who would understand. "Barney?"

* * *

"Are you crying?"

"Yes, Barney I am. I feel terrible. I didn't even realize. I'm a terrible person."

"No, Robin stop. Its not the same thing. You didn't do it repeatedly. You knew what you did was wrong. You apologized, he forgave you. You didn't love me, it was a mistake. You got caught up in the moment. Its not your fault."

"You don't understand." I had to tell him. "I loved you. I shouldn't have chosen Kevin. I should have chose you. I meant to chose you, but I was scared and I didn't. I felt terrible about breaking your heart. I'm so, so, sorry Barney." I started to cry harder now.

There was a moment of silence on the other end. I could feel Barney thinking things over. "Its okay, its fine. I forgive you, people make mistakes." This time I'm crying way to hard to answer him. I wish he was here so he could see me nod along to his words. So he could hold me in his arms. So he could kiss away the tears. Stop, he's with Quinn now. "Where are you Robin? I'm going to tell Ted to find you."

"In a bathroom." I say in between sobs.

"Okay, let me text him now. Don't worry, you're going to be alright." Barney continues to talk to me as I wait for Ted to come. After five minutes Ted comes bursting into the bathroom.

"Finally! You don't know how many bathrooms i've looked into. There are some very unhappy people out there." He takes the phone out of my hand. "Barney I found her. Thanks." He gives the phone back to me and I say goodbye to Barney. "Lets get out of here okay?" I follow Ted out of the bathroom as I slowly start to gain control of my tears. "Do you want to go to the cafeteria?" He asks.

"I'm not hungry." I never could eat anything after crying really hard.

"Do you want to go see your dad?"

"Not really? Its not like he woke up right?"

"Yeah, I talked to Katie and she said that it look promising, but they weren't one hundred percent sure."

"Oh, okay. Well maybe coming here was a bad idea."

"Robin! I've been looking for you everywhere." Oh god, not Katie. "What are you guys doing?"

"Uh, we were just, talking..." I say, discretely trying to wipe away tears.

"I'm not a little girl anymore, did you guys hook up?" Katie asks, this time directing her question at Ted.

"What? No!" Ted said.

"Katie, leave us alone." I snapped. I didn't want to do this right now.

"So you did hook up! I knew it, mom was saying that you guys were dating again,but you didn't want to tell us. I didn't believe her, because the last time I talked to Robin she said she was still in love with Barney. I guess now she"

"Katie stop!" I screamed, I suddenly felt like I was going to puke. Ted was staring at me, shocked. Katie suddenly realized what she said and looked horrified.

For the second time that day, I ran.

* * *

Cooper had been doing so well this past week, I wanted to surprise him with something really special. The only problem was I was having trouble coming up with an idea. Big romantic acts weren't really my thing. So I bought I box of chocolates and went to the hospital.

"Cooper I have a big surprise for you!" I said excitedly as I entered his room.

"What is it?" He asked, sitting up a little bit.

"Here!" I said, presenting him with the chocolates.

"Chocolate?"

"You don't like chocolate?" I said, pretending to be hurt.

"No, they are great, thanks Robin." He said, trying to cover up his disappointment.

"Ha, I'm just kidding. That's not your surprise. Your real surprise is, I'm getting out you of here!"

"What?"

"I already asked the doctor and he said that u've been doing so well that a couple of hours won't hurt! Hurry up and get dressed so we can get the heck out of here."

"You're the best girlfriend ever." He said, coming over to kiss me.

"I know." I said smiling.

* * *

"So where are we going exactly?" He asked as we pulled away from the hospital parking lot.

"Its a surprise." I said laughing. "But if you push in that tape you will find out." He pushed the tape into the tape deck and my voice filled the car. "Let's go to the mall everybody!"

"Oh god, no."

"Why? Whats wrong with the mall?" I laughed.

"We aren't really going there are we?"

"No, but I know you want to."

"Well can you at least 'rock my body, til Canada day?'"

"Shut up!" By now I was laughing hysterically. The moment was perfect. It was just us, laughing together. Its all we needed.

We finally arrived at our destination. "The bridge?" Cooper asked, unsure if I was serious or not.

"Yes the bridge. Its where we first met." We got out of the car and walked to edge. "You never did tell me why you were here that night."

He took a deep breath and stared at the water below. "I didn't want to deal with it anymore. I didn't want people waiting around for me to die. I just wanted to to be over." We stand in silence for a while. I didn't know what to say and he didn't say anything else. Finally I broke the silence.

"I'm so glad you didn't jump."

"I didn't because of you."

* * *

"Robin are you okay?" I had went back to the cafeteria atrium where I had been crying just the day before. Ted had somehow found me, yet again. He sits down next to me. "Do you still love him?"

"You have to promise you won't tell anyone. Don't tell Lily, or Marshall and especially not Barney. Don't even tell Victoria. Please Ted."

"I won't, but Robin what about Quinn? Are you just going to see him marry her without telling him how you feel?"

"I'm going to have to Ted. I don't want to hurt anyone again."

"But you're hurting yourself."

* * *

**A/N: **Personally, I think this chapter is all over the place, then again this whole story is. I'm sorry it took so long for me to update, but its probably going to take just as long for me to write the next chapter, so sorry. I can't believe this is already the seventh chapter, I don't really know how long I want to make this, but I don't know how to get to the ending. Hopefully it will come together in the end.


	8. The Fighter

**A/N:** I found maybe the most perfect song for Cooper and Robin, especially in this chapter, and I swear I wasn't even listening to it while writing this. Its called The Fighter by The Fray and if you like to listen to something while reading, listen to this song.

* * *

I rode the elevator up to his floor. I had been coming there so frequently that now all the nurses and doctors know my name. Things weren't so good yesterday. Cooper wasn't feeling that great, and was mostly asleep during my visit. I tried to come a little bit earlier today so I might be able to catch him awake. I slowly open the door to Cooper's room and was surprised to see his parents there. "Robin! I'm so glad you came." His mom greeted me with a hug. "I don't think you've met my husband John."

"Hi, its nice to meet you." I said, extending my hand. He gave it a firm shake.

"She's even prettier in person, great job son." He said looking at Cooper as I start to blush.

Cooper starts to laugh, while Cooper's mom shots them a disconcerting look, "Stop it John." She says playfully hitting him in the arm. "We will leave you two alone." She grabs her husbands hand and pulls him outside.

"Wow, your parents seem really in love." I said, sitting down next to Cooper on his bed.

"Yeah, they are. They can barely leave each other's side."

"I wish my parents were like that, but my mom was never around when I was little, and my dad was always busy."

"Well just because they don't love eachother doesn't mean they don't love you."

"I don't even think they love me." My voice caught as I tried to hold back tears. I try not to let these things bother me, but they do.

"Hey that's not true." Cooper said, using his thumbs to wipe away the escaped tears. "Even if they don't tell you, or really show it, they definitely love you. Its hard not to love you." My heart started beating fast, this would be the perfect moment where we say 'I love you'. I kissed him quickly before he could say anything. I'm not ready for this. I can't tell him just yet.

"Hey are you doing okay?" I ask to change the subject.

"I don't want to lie to you, it doesn't look that good. The doctors say it might be a matter of days."

"But they are trying right? You will keep trying? Its can't be over."

"I'll try as hard as I can. I promise."

"Pinkie swear?" I ask, knowing its childish, but Cooper would understand.

"Pinkie swear." He said, and we joined our pinkies and shook.

* * *

"There is no way i'm going to tell him. I can't."

"But what if he still loves you?" Ted asks.

"No he can't. He's with Quinn."

"He obviously still cares about you! When you called him he stayed on the phone until he made sure you were okay. Why did you call him anyway?"

"Oh it was just because..." I cheated on Kevin, I had turned into my mom, I didn't know who else to call. "I was getting kind of sick of you."

"Hey, I might not be Barney, but i'll have you know that i'm a very interesting person."

"Haha." Faking laughter at Ted's lame joke. "Can I ask you a question?"

"Yeah, of course."

"Okay, umm say you were going to marry Victoria, like you were currently engaged to her. And I told you that I was still in love with you. What would you do?" Its what I wanted to do. Ted knows that I want to tell him, but I can't. Not after I already ruined his life once.

"I would run away with you."

"What! No Ted why?"

"Because its you Robin. If I knew that you wanted to I would marry you." I finally realized the real reason why I couldn't do it.

"Thats why I can't do it."

"Can't do what?"

"Tell Barney. I don't want to break his heart. Quinn is better for him anyway. He should be with Quinn, not me. I know that you wanted to marry me, but it didn't work out. Things between me and Barney might not work out either. He should just stay with Quinn. I don't want to change my mind or have him change his mind about me. I just, if he would give up Quinn for me whats to say that he won't ditch me for someone better."

"Nobody will better then you."

* * *

"I wish we could get out of here." He was so frail now that I easily fit in the tiny bed next to him. We were lying in his bed talking.

"I wish it were me." I say tracing the lines in his hands.

"Why? Its awful." He says.

"I know, but I wish it was me instead of you."

"I'm glad its me and not you."

"Why?"

"Because I don't know what I would do if I was the one that had to say goodbye."

* * *

"Hey Robin, I don't want to interrupt anything, but dad woke up." Katie had come to find us, and yet again it looked like something had happened between me and Ted.

"Did you see him yet?" Fear suddenly consumes me. My dad's awake.

"Yeah, but only for like five minutes. Mom wanted to talk to him for some reason, so I came to find you."

"Okay, umm I think I'm going to get some coffee." I say standing up.

"I'll come with you." Ted said, catching my drift.

"Well you should probably go see him soon." Katie called as we hurried away.

"Okay, be right there." I lie. Once Ted and I hurry out of Katie's earshot I start to freak out, "I can't do this."

"Robin, he's your dad."

"I know, but I haven't seen him in such a long time. When ever we talk on the phone I always feel like crap afterwards. He makes me feel like crap."

"Everything is going to be okay."

"No its not Ted. Nothing is going to be okay. I'm going to go in there and he's going to say something and i'm going to get upset and tell him that 'i'll work harder' and then I'm going to leave and come crying to you. And then for the millionth time in two days i'm going to sob my eyes out. I won't be able to breathe because i'll be choking on all the tears. I just don't want to do that again."

"It doesn't matter what your dad says, you will still be amazing to me." The **only** thing that matters is what my dad says. But deep down I know I have to do this.

"Okay, okay. I'll do it." I take a deep breath, I don't have a choice. "Stay here so when I'm crying i'll know where to find you?"

"Of course."

* * *

"Do you think we were meant to be together?"

"I don't know Robin, I mean I think that one day you will find someone better then me."

"No I won't. I can't even imagine someone better then you."

"I hope you do."

"Why would you think that. Don't you want to be with me Cooper?"

"Of course I do, but if I can't I want you to be happy."

* * *

There was one time in my life when I really truly thought my dad loved me. I was about twelve when I had to ask my dad to sign a permission slip for school. I knocked on his office door, something I learned to do after the vomit incident, and waited. "RJ come in."

"Hi Daddy. I have to go to this field trip tomorrow, can you sign this?" I gave him the permission slip.

"Do you really want to go to the 'Greenwich Zoo'? Wouldn't you rather just stay home with me?" To be honest I didn't really want to go to the zoo. I would rather stay home with my dad.

"Okay. I don't really like the zoo anyways."

"Okay. I'm not going to sign this then. What do you want to do tomorrow?" He asked.

"Whatever you want to do." I said, excitement filling my body.

"Why don't we just stay here and watch some movies together."

"Can we make popcorn?" I say trying my luck.

"Sure, whatever you want Robin."

* * *

I had just managed to gain enough courage to go in when I'm greeted by the question,"Are you sure you want to go in there?"

"What? Mom. Yes. Is there a reason why I can't?"

"I just think you should maybe give him a chance to..." My mom said, clearly not knowing what she was saying.

"To what?"

"Obviously you aren't going to listen to me, so just go." Well she was right about that. I ignored her warnings and stepped inside.

"Hi Daddy."

"RJ, when did you get here?"

"Oh just yesterday." I walked closer to my dads bed. I wanted to sit down next to him like I use to do with Cooper, but I didn't. This wasn't Cooper, it was my dad. "How are you doing?"

"I'm better now. What about you? Did you finally get a real job?" Here it comes.

"Daddy my job is a real job."

"No its not. That isn't even real journalism."

"Okay." I say defeated. Nothing I say is going to change his mind.

"Do you have a boyfriend? You can at least give me a grandson."

"Umm what? I didn't know you wanted grandchildren." He's never said anything about this before. Its the biggest slap in the face that he could have given me. Thats the one thing that i'm never going to be able to give him.

"After the coma I realized that i've never had the son I wanted. I'm not going to have a son now, unless you have one. That way I can teach him all the things you didn't want to learn." My head was pounding, he was serious.

"Daddy, I can't have children."

"Of course you can RJ. There's probably some guy out there who wants to have kids with you."

"No, its not that, I **can't** have children." I take a deep breath, and brace myself for the fallout. "I'm infertile". I can't be here anymore. I leave before I can hear my father's reaction. I run away from my concerned looking mother. I go back to the cafeteria and he's there. Ted's hugging me before I can say anything. I don't feel good. I remove myself from his embrace, run over to a trash can and throw up.

* * *

**A/N:**

I know that my portrayal of Cooper having cancer is probably awful. Its probably extremely unrealistic, i'm sorry about that. Also the Greenwich zoo is not a real place, that I know of at least. I just made that up.

I wanted to finish this story before the How I Met Your Mother season, but thats not happening. I was planning on making this chapter longer so I wouldn't have to make this story longer then ten chapters. Sorry if this was a little bit to long. I know theres like four story lines that I have to wrap up somehow. Hopefully that will be soon. Thank you for reading.


	9. Under the Water

Ok so writing this chapter I was listening to Beam Me Up, by p!nk, and thought it fit perfectly with some of this chapter. You'll understand once you read it. The other part of this chapter I think goes perfectly with the song Under the Water by The Pretty Reckless (which is a really depressing song, so if you don't like that kind of thing sorry.) But it fits almost perfectly for some of this chapter as well. Also I really want to make this the second to last chapter and i'm pretty sure thats going to happen. So this chapter is super long, sorry.

* * *

I think deep down I always knew when it happened. If I could erase one day from my life it would be that day.

I had finally decided to tell Cooper the truth- that I was in love with him. I rehearsed what I was going to say a million times on the car ride over. I talked myself out of it ten times going up in the elevator, but finally I was ready to do it. The elevator doors opened and I stepped out.

I wasn't greeted by the normal slew of nurses. Nobody said anything to me. I walked to his room, his parents were usually there all the time, but they weren't there today. My heart dropped as I opened the door. It was empty. I already knew what happened but I ask a nurse just to be sure. "Do you know what happened to Cooper?" A small bit of hope still left.

"Honey you don't know? I am so sorry."

* * *

"Do you want to go to the bathroom?" Ted was wiping the vomit away from my mouth. I shake my head no and let him continue helping me. "Do you think you're going to throw up again?" He ask as he pushes some hair away from my face. I shake my head no again. "Do you want to talk about what happened?" I shake my head no yet again. "Okay, I'm going to go find you some gum." I smile at him, letting him know that I was thankful. I couldn't believe what happened. How did my dad want me to have kids? Having kids is the one thing that I was never going to do, ever. Its the one think I can't do.

* * *

I thought I knew how to cry before, but learned that I must have been doing it all wrong. This is how it feels like to really cry. The wind was knocked out of me. I collapsed on the floor in a pile of sobs. I was right outside the door of his empty hospital room. When did this happen? Why wasn't I there? I'm not ready to say goodbye. I was crying so hard that I was having trouble breathing. It was so bad that for a minute wasn't sure if it was Cooper who died, or me.

I must have been causing a huge scene because someone had called a security guard to kick me out. "Excuse me miss, but i'm going to have to ask you to leave." I don't understand how someone could do that, couldn't they see I was crying my heart out? I don't move or answer him, I physically can't. I just continue to sob, hoping that he will leave and just let me be alone. "You're going to have to leave, you are disrupting the patients." When he realizes that i'm not going to listen he leaves.

Carrie, one of my favorite nurses shift must have just started. I watch through the tears as someone tells her something and she then notices me. She hurries over. "Robin? Oh my god." She is just about to talk to me when the security guard comes back, this time he brought two more officers and they lift me up and start to drag me out of the hospital. "What are you doing?" Carrie yells at them. She demands that they let go of me and says she's going to sue the hospital if they've hurt me. She tells someone about taking the night off and walks me out of hospital and into her car. "Lets get you home."

* * *

Ted still hasn't come back with the gum yet. I sit by myself and contemplate calling someone. But who? Lily? Barney? I know who I want to talk to, but thats the one person that I can't.

* * *

Carrie searches her car for some tissues, she finally finds some and hands them over. I graciously take them. My face is a mess. She doesn't say anything right away, she just watches me. We haven't started driving yet. "I know that you don't want to talk about it right now, but if you ever need anything just know that you can talk to me." I give her a small smile to thank her for the kindness. I doubt I will take her up on that offer, right now I can't even think about being able to stop crying. "Where do you live?"

* * *

There's something that i've never done before. I don't know why I didn't, I guess I was to afraid to let myself go there. But I know that now that's what I need to do. I send a text to Ted, asking him for the car keys.

* * *

That night I cried in cycles. I would think about it and be crying very hard, uncontrollably, and then I would try and put it out of my mind, I would focus on something else, like giving Carrie my address, I finally managed to tell her before I start to cry again. Carrie doesn't talk that much while driving. She probably didn't know what to say, I know that what ever she would have said probably wouldn't have done much anyway. She did however say one thing that made thing a little bit better. "You really are an amazing person, to have stayed with him, visited him everyday. I know that you're only a teenager, but I hope that one day I'm in love, just as much as you were. That's something that a lot of people search forever to find. I know that you'll be able to find it again, and once you do, don't let him go."

* * *

"Where do you want to go?"

"Its, nowhere Ted. Just give me the keys." I plead, I don't want him to come with me.

"No, tell me where you're going!"

"Ted, listen, I can't. I have to do this alone. Please just give me the keys." Reluctantly he handed them over.

"If you don't come back in three hours i'm going to go looking for you."

"Okay, fine." I start to walk away, but then turn around suddenly, "Maybe you should try to find "the one here", you might get some luck." I joke.

* * *

"Thanks." I say, getting out of the car. Carrie waits until she sees that i've gotten into my house safely. Little did she know that she had just dropped me off to the worst night of my life.

* * *

The drive isn't very long, about half an hour. I reach there is no time. Getting out of the car I realize its empty, just like that night.

* * *

The first thing I want to do when I get home is find my mom. I want to tell her everything, for her to hold me and tell me that everything's okay, even though I know its not. Instead I find nothing. My moms not there. Katie isn't even there. I'm alone. I sink to the ground and continue to cry. He's gone.

* * *

I don't have a blanket or anything, so I just go without it. Its really cold outside, just like that night. I almost don't go, but i've come this far. I walk onto the beach, my shoes getting sandy. I sit down facing the water, the ground is cold, but I barely notice. The water looks different in the winter time, like its missing something, and in a way it is. The beach is missing the people walking around in swim suits, the kids playing in the water, families building sandcastles. The beach in the winter will always be missing this. Just like a little part of me has always missed him.

* * *

I was so mad that he was gone, I had ripped the house apart. I broke my mirror, my bed was torn apart. I had taken all the silver wear out of the drawers and threw it all over the living. I wanted my mother to pay. I made the bathroom a mess. I was going crazy. There was nowhere for me to go. No one loved me anymore. I decided to kill myself. I wanted to be with him, this way I could. I was going to go through with it to. I had gotten the pills and everything, I was just about to take them when...

* * *

I lie down on the sand and close my eyes. I can almost image myself back that night, the last night when everything was perfect. There were no worries, just us. I just wish I talk to him one last time. I want to tell him that I loved him, that I was going to tell him I did, that i'm so sorry I ran out of time.

* * *

The one place in the house that I didn't destroy in my rage was Katie's room. She didn't deserve it, she did nothing wrong. Her only mistake was being born into this messed up family.

I couldn't do it. I couldn't kill myself because Katie wouldn't have a sister. She needed me. I know that Cooper would hate me if I did, he wouldn't want me to do it either. In a way I guess a part of me really didn't want me to do it either, I just didn't want to be alone. Deep down, despite how much I didn't want to admit it, I knew this day was coming. I just didn't know I would be alone.

* * *

"Remember that time we almost broke up?"

"Yes."

"Do you remember why I came back?"

"Because you had cancer? Because you wanted a girlfriend? Because you made that dumb promise to never break up with me?"

"No, Robin. It was because I **NEVER** wanted to lose you. I didn't think I could **EVER** find someone as great as you. You meant so much to me. I felt so bad watching you cry. I never wanted to be the reason you were crying.'

"Well I cried. I cried so much because of you, i've never cried more than when it was about you."

"I know that. I wish that didn't happen, but it did. We can't change that. I just wish you could realize that you found someone who is perfect for you. Someone who you want to love you forever and that someone can't be me."

"Well who is it?"

"You know."

"Yeah I do."

"I don't think you know this, but I'm always here. You don't have to be on this beach to talk to me, you just have to need me. When ever you need me i'll be there."

"Why?"

"because you were always there when I needed you."

* * *

That's when I woke up. I guess it must have been a dream, but to me it didn't feel that way. It felt like he really was here, talking to me. That everything was okay. I knew what I had to do. All of a sudden I feel stronger, I feel better. I am better. I'm not going to cry anymore. I sit up and pull my legs close to my chest, it was freezing out here. I look out onto the water. It was beautiful.

* * *

I realize that I didn't even have any friends. My best friend Jessica hadn't talked to me in months because I wouldn't tell her about Cooper. She felt like I was lying to her and I didn't have any time to hang out with her, both of these things were true. But I didn't have anybody else to call. I swallow my pride - a little hard to do since I was still sobbing uncontrollably- and dialed her number.

She picked up on the second ring. "Hello?"

"Hey its Robin, wait please don't hang up."

"What do you want."

"I... its... can you come over?"

"Why just because you are bored all of a sudden? What the hell is your problem its like one in the morning."

"Please, just come over." A fresh batch of tears come on, I start sobbing again. I can't do this anymore, I can't believe that I can't call him up again. "Please." I sob, "I am so sorry. I need you. Please just come over."

"Okay, fine. I'll be there in twenty minutes." She came in ten.

* * *

I was in such a good mood while driving back to the hospital. I felt like nothing bad could happen. Its like where you remember that time when you were really upset, but it feels like a life time away. You barely know what you were upset about or how it felt at all. Right now I felt amazing. I put on the oldies radio and by some miracle my song came on. It was exactly what I wanted. I start to sing right along with it. "Everybody come and play. Throw every last care away. Lets go to the mall today!"

* * *

A/N: Wow. This chapter didn't end with a crazy cliff hanger. I am really upset that I didn't finish this story before the new season started, because already this totally conflicts with the storyline, but its not like I can change that now. I think there are going to be two more chapters. I know I said one, but I don't think I can do that. Sorry. Hopefully you enjoyed this one tho. Sorry it was kind of long.


	10. Fixed

So for this chapter I don't really have any songs. I know fail. Also this is going to be the second to last chapter, which is kind of sad for me, since I really enjoy writing this, even though as you can tell I am so bad at writing and this doesn't even make sense, but if you have read this story this far I love you. Seriously its so amazing that you were able to some what follow this story and that you actually spent time on reading it. Thank you.

* * *

I didn't tell Jessica about Cooper. I didn't want to relive it so soon. However I will forever be grateful to her for that day.

"Robin did you do this?" Jessica asked. It had been a strange reunion with me sobbing my eyes out because of some unknown reason, and her being a much better friend then I ever gave her credit for.

"Yes, my mom is going to be so pissed if she finds out it was me. Can we please go somewhere else? So when she comes home she can think that we were robbed or something." I say. I still haven't fully gotten over the shock of Cooper, but I've started to think a little more clearly. Maybe destroying the house wasn't the best idea.

"Sure. Do you want to come over? Its like three in the morning and my mom might check on me. I kind of just snuck out..."

"Yeah sure, I don't want to get you in trouble." So we go to Jessica's house. I hadn't been there in a while, but it still looked the same. Her bedroom however had completely changed. "Oh wow. It looks like you've been busy..." One of her walls were completely cover with pictures of her life, which I realize that i'm not apart of anymore.

"Yeah, i'm not done yet. I think I might want to do the other walls."

"That would look cool." Jessica watches me as going through every picture.

"I didn't leave you out."

"What?" I saw turning around to face her.

"I didn't leave you out. Look." I must have been looking in all the wrong places because a whole section of her wall was pictures of us. There were pictures from our mall tour days, from when we were younger. There were pictures from birthday parties, from the time when Jessica got her wisdom teeth taken out. The wall comfirmed that we were best friends. I couldn't beleive I had been such a bitch.

"I'm so sorry. I don't know what my problem was, I was so mean."

"Its fine." She's lying I know.

"Thank you so much for coming tonight." I say sitting on her bed.

"Its fine, we should probably go to sleep." She went into her closet and gave me a shirt to wear to sleep in.

I didn't want to wake up Jessica sleeping next to me, but I didn't sleep. At all. I couldn't. I replayed every single moment Cooper and I ever had. Tears falling down my face and into my ears.

* * *

This time i'm not dreading the elevator ride. I'm still in way too good of a mood to be freaking out about what i'm about to do. I walk up to the door confidentially, i'm going to do this. I'm just about to enter his room when I hear screaming inside.

"What is your problem? What did you even say to her?" Its my mom. I pause outside the door, listening. I can't hear my dad's muffled reply, but i'm pretty sure the whole hospital can hear my mother. "Don't you dare say that about my daughter. I've never seen her cry as much as I did these past two days. It's all our fault." They were talking about me.

"You think i'm a bad parent? Take a look at yourself!" My dad was scream too now.

"I am a much better parent then you. I would NEVER even THINK anything as bad as you straight up told her. She deserves an apology, no she deserves a different life, with better parents. I don't know how she turned out to be such an amazing person with us as parents." I hear my mom start to turn the door knob and I quickly duck around the corner. After five seconds of waiting I watch as she takes the elevator down to the first floor.

* * *

"So we are going to pretend that we have no idea how it happened, okay? I left at four and then went to your house and spent the night." I inform Jessica in on my plan. We were on our way back to my house, I was trying to figure out how I was going to lie about the mess. "Oh, also can you maybe drop me off at..." I have to pick up my car from the hospital, but I don't want Jessica knowing that's where I was. "Umm at..." I quickly name a restaurant thats close to the hospital. "If that's okay with you."

"Are you okay?"

"What yeah I'm fine." I lie, of course I'm not fine. I'm extremely far from being fine.

"Why did you destroy your house?"

"I was just kind of mad at my mom, thats all." Hopefully she buys this.

"Then don't you want her to know it was you?"

"No, its just like well, I don't really want her to find out. I'm not mad at her anymore." I say, making up random bull shit.

* * *

"Robin! Thank god you're back. I was ready to send a search party." Ted. I throw my arms around his neck and give him a hug. Surprised he hugs me back.

"Thank you." I whisper, we then break apart. "Ted there's some more things I have to do. Sorry you have to just wait here." I then walk right into my dad's room without hesitating at all. "Hey Dad. We need to talk."

"Robin, did I upset you?" This is not what I was expecting.

"Yes, did you think you weren't going to? You basically told me I was worthless and I didn't have any reason to live anymore". I was doing it, I was standing up to my dad. It all came tumbling out now, "I always wanted to be the perfect child, I wanted you to love me. But I never got anything in return. Do you even love me?" My heart pounds in my ears, I barely am able to hear his answer. I start to freak out, I want to run away, but I can't. I'm not leaving this time.

"Of course I do." A small smile starts to spread across my face. "Your mother made me realize that I never told you I did. I'm way too hard on you. You're my daughter." I look back at him, this time my smile is clearly visible. "It doesn't matter if you aren't able to have kids, or if you continue being a news ancor, you still will be my daughter. I will always love you no matter what. Robin, i'm proud of you, ay." I reach down and give him a hug.

"Thank you." All my life I felt like I was missing something, that if I finally heard those word my life would be perfect. In that moment a part of my life was fixed. A huge weight was lifted off my shoulders. Except there were still thing I needed to fix this time. I knew that there was other things I had to do to make everything perfect. "I'll be back soon, I just have to do something first."

* * *

"Robin? Thank god its you." My mother threw her arms around me as I walked in the door. "I'm so happy you're all right!"

Stunned it took me a couple seconds to recover, "What. Mom, what. What happened?" I stare into our destroyed living room. I realize a part of me was really asking that question. How did I do this?

"Someone must have broken it, I don't know what they took, but they ruined the house." She pauses while she realizes that I could have been home. "Where were you last night?"

"Jessica's." I answer, shifting slightly so my mom can see Jessica standing behind me. Jessica was silent this whole time, clearly letting me handle the damage.

"Oh, hi Jessica, it's nice to see you again."

"Nice to see you to, its been a while." Suddenly a trigger goes off. I'm not going to be able to see him again. I'm going to start sobbing. I push past my mom and run into the bathroom. I sit down on the toilet. Sobbing.

"Robin? What happened? Are you okay? Come out." My mom is banging on the door.

"No, its okay mom, I'm fine." I pray that she didn't hear the way my voice shook.

"Open this door right now." She bangs on it again. I don't move. Maybe she will give up eventually. "Robin? If you don't open up i'm going to break down this door." I can't move. I hear my mom walk away.

"Robin she's serious. Open the door." Its Jessica. "Please, just let us in." I can't. I don't know how to let people in.

"Stand back" I hear my mom say and she throws something against the door.

"Stop it. I'm okay!" I scream, but its no use. My mom has broken down the door. She walks in and puts her arms around me as I cry. She picks me up from the toilet and even though i'm probably way to heavy she takes me to my room and tucks me into bed.

* * *

"Mom!" I yell as I enter the waiting room. My mother was sitting there reading a magazine. I walk over and give her a huge hug. "I'm so sorry." I sit down next to her. "Everything is not your fault. It doesn't even matter at all now."

"You know I was an awful mother, I didn't even know I was a bad mom. That's how bad I was."

"No, that's not true. You are a great mom." I really do mean that. I mean she might have not always been there for me, but that doesn't mean she wasn't a good mom the times she was mistakes don't matter anymore, everyone makes mistakes, its those mistakes that make us who we are. "I love you".

"Hey Robin, sorry to interrupt, but Ted is looking everywhere for you." Katie, of course. I jump up and give her a big hug this time.

"Thanks Katie." I say, thanks for everything.

* * *

The rest of our stay in Canada was pretty uneventful compared to the last two days. My dad got released from the hospital and was well enough for us to go out for dinner. So Katie, my mom and dad went out to my favorite diner. A week ago I would never have imagined this happening. I know I changed in the last couple of days, a good kind of change. The kind of change I feel like Cooper would have wanted me to have, the kind of change that I know that past me always wanted me to have. But there still was something that present me wanted. Something that would make me truly happy again.


	11. I Couldn't Ask For Another

This is it, last chapter. I really hope you enjoyed this story. I hope it lived up to all your expectations and that you do feel like you wasted your time reading this. The songs for this chapter is going to be Dark Side, by Kelly Clarkson and Red by Taylor Swift.

* * *

"God, Ted why are you so slow?" I was wearing the yellow sundress Lily packed for me. It was an unusually warm day in Canada. The sun was shinning and Ted and I were just about to leave for the airport. I couldn't believe how amazing this trip had been. I was actually a little bit sad to leave, I promised to visit at least twice a year. "Ted what the hell are you doing anyways?" I say knocking on his door. After the first one-bed night we got adjoining rooms (basically so Ted could bang some nurse). "Are you coming or what?" I scream one last time. Ted bursts through the doors, suitcases in hand.

"I'm ready, are you?"

* * *

It was the summer where we started secretly dating. It only took a couple of weeks til I realized that I loved him.

Nothing was going well for me that day. I honestly just wanted to go home and sleep the day away, but I couldn't. I promised the gang that I would meet them at MacLarens, and I had already blown them off twice. So I grabbed my pursed and headed downstairs.

I felt like I was going to die. I'm sorry Ted but I don't really care about how you almost scored with a girl. Marshall and Barney continue to give Ted pointers on what he should have done. I develop a raging headache that these drinks are definitely not helping. "I'll get the next round, Robin come with me." Lily says, abruptly. The guys barely notice as we make our way to the bar. "Are you feeling okay?" Lily asks.

"I'm fine." I lie. I don't want to talk about it.

"You don't look fine."

"i'm fine." It was the kind of fine where you know you are lying but you can't really figure out what's bugging you so you can't explain it to someone else. So you just say you're fine. We go back to the bar and Lily sits down. I linger for a moment before making up my mind.

"Umm guys, i'm kind of tired, so I think i'm just going to go upstairs. I'll see you tomorrow." I say turning to leave. I walk outside into the warm night air.

I'm just about to go upstairs when I hear, "Robin, wait." It was Barney.

"Yeah?"

"Do you want to come over?"

"What?"

"Do you want to come over to my house, we could just like watch a movie or something. It will be fun, you'll see." This was so unlike Barney I could barely understand what he was saying. Did he really _just_ want to watch a movie?

"Uh, sure." I say, as I wait for him to get a cab.

* * *

"You sit down, i'll get some blankets." I sit down on Barney's couch and take my shoes off, i pull my legs up on the couch. Barney comes back with a blanket, "Do you want me to make some hot chocolate?" He asks.

"No, its fine, really." I suddenly really wanted some hot chocolate.

"Do you want some."

"No, its okay."

"Robin its not going to be any trouble. If you want some just tell me."

"Okay, fine I want some." Barney leaves to go make the hot chocolate, while I wait on his couch.

"Why are you doing this?" I finally ask him.

"What?"

"This. Making me hot chocolate, bringing me blankets. Why?"

"Because you seemed so sad today and I haven't seen you in a while. I wanted to be with you."

"It's only been like 3 days."

"So? I missed you." He sits down next to me and hands me a cup of hot chocolate. I take a sip, its amazing. I put my cup down and kiss him. I lay my head on his shoulder as he pulls the blanket around us. He was probably saying something, but I wasn't listening. It felt so good to be lying like that. All my worries slipped away as I drifted off to sleep.

* * *

I wake up in Barney's bed the next day. The thing about Barney's bed is its huge. It's so big that normally when I sleep here I don't even realize that I'm sleeping with someone because Barney and I are at opposite ends. Today though I could feel him right next to me. I turn and realize that he must have carried me over from the couch. I'm wearing one of Barney's shirts, ( undressing me was probably fun for him). I don't think I have ever been as self-reliant in my life. Even though I was sleeping and didn't realize it. I felt relaxed and even more amazed that Barney Stinson had done all this for ME. Barney must really... care for me if he did all this.

And thats when I fell in love.

* * *

"Are you excited to go back home?" I ask Ted. We were on the plane, on our way back to New York.

"Yeah, Canada is way to cold, and I'm excited to see Victoria again." CRAP, VICTORIA. Wait when Ted was banging that nurse was he cheating on Victoria? When I was encouraging him to "find the one" I was telling him to find someone better then Victoria. Oh my god. I am such an awful person. How did I forget, wait Ted's the one who was cheating on her, again.

"Wait, if you're still with Victoria why were you cheating on her with that nurse?"

"What nurse?"

"The one you were with a couple nights ago. Remember?"

"Robin, I didn't sleep with any nurse..."

"Then what were you doing when you locked your door?"

"Oh, umm I was, nope, yeah you're right, I cheated on Victoria again." Ted says quickly trying to cover up something.

"No Ted, seriously what were you doing?"

"Nothing, it was nothing."

"Why did you lock the door then?"

"It's... Robin, its okay. Don't worry about it."

"Ted what were you doing?"

"Calm down Robin, hey look we are almost there." Confused I decide to let it go. He probably has a good reason for not telling me, but god damnit I told him everything about me.

"No, will you just tell me."

"Will you marry me?"

"What?" Holy crap, no. Don't tell me you love me, don't tell me you love me.

"Well if you won't marry me i'm not going to tell you."

"Is this some kind of joke?"

"Yeah."

"Thank god, I thought you were serious. Don't do that to me Ted."

* * *

The plane landed smoothly and Ted and I walk off together.

He's standing there. And then theres music. And suddenly a bunch of dancers. And they are dancing and singing and they are singing for me. "I couldn't ask for another, no I couldn't ask for another. Your groove, I do deeply dig. No walls, only the bridge my supper dish." Wait was Barney doing all this for me? "Groove is in the heart, Groove is in the heart." Dancers are doing crazy flips and being thrown in the air. Its an extremely elaborate production Then all of a sudden Lily and Marshall come out of nowhere caring signs. Lily comes in from the left side and is carrying an "I". Marshall comes in from the right and has a "YOU". I... you. My heart starts pounding. No this is not really happening. Ted somehow comes running down the middle carrying a huge sign that says LOVE. "I LOVE YOU".

"I love you Robin" Barney screams. I run over and throw my arms around him. He kisses me and I kiss him back. It's one of those perfect airport love scenes. The ones I never imagined actually having. But this couldn't have been more perfect.

For the last time in a long time, I cried, this time happy tears.

* * *

**Epilogue:** The world is full of what ifs. What if you tried out for the soccer team. What if you went out with that guy nobody liked, but you secretly did. What if you moved out that time you finally enough money.

What if my parents never got divorced? Or if my dad didn't raise me as his son. What kind of person would I have been? In the end my parents made me the way I am. Even though I have some pretty big flaws, they made me the pretty awesome person I am.

What if I never went to the bridge that night. If I never met Cooper. What kind of person would I be? Without me knowing it Cooper made me a strong person. I never take life for granted now. He made me able to chase my dreams.

What if Cooper never died. Would he really have kept his promise of never breaking up with me? I like to think that he wouldn't, but in reality we were sixteen. Forever doesn't last at sixteen. So maybe, in a way i'm glad that our relationship latest. I think that Cooper taught me that love does exist and once you find it you shouldn't let it go.

If our relationship did last. What if I could have kids? Cooper loved kids. We would two kids. I would want a girl and boy, I want the boy to be born first so he can look out for his little sister and beat up anybody who breaks her heart. We would live in a medium sized house in Canada. I don't think I would have had a reason to move to New York. We would take family vacations to the beach every year and every anniversary we would go to the diner where we had our first "date" and talk about our life and how far we've come.

What if Barney wasn't in love with me. The reason why Barney and Quinn broke up was a combination of a lot of things. He saw the text I sent to Quinn -saying she was the luckiest girl in the world- he told me he realized that I was jealous. Then when I called him about being a horrible person by sleeping with him it got him thinking about us. He broke up with Quinn when he realized he didn't love her, not as much as he had loved me. Barney realized that he missed , Marshall and Ted (It turns out thats what those phone calls were about, and the time he was "banging that nurse" he really was having a conference call about the dance routine) were all in on the break up. They all fully supported to return of "Swarkles".

I don't want to know what would happen if we didn't start dating again. If he didn't propose to me. If we never got married. Where would I be right now?

Thats the crazy thing about life. You never know whats going to happen. Looking back I had no idea that I would break down at Ted's, uncles, funeral and end up telling Lily all about Cooper. I had no idea that SHE was going to end up crying just as hard as me and I would see just how good a friend Lily really was. I didn't know that that would give me the courage to tell Barney or that I was going to tell him the story the one time our relationship fell apart. I had no idea he was going to propose two weeks later.

That's the thing about life, you never really know whats going to happen, but the universe has this master plan for you. It might have been fate that I met Cooper that night, which ultimately led me to meeting Ted and then my soulmate. But maybe it was my destiny.

* * *

Wow this story's over. I still can't believe I finished it. It makes me kind of sad now. I don't know what i'm going to do. I want to thank everyone who read this whole story. You are amazing. Thank you so much for reading.


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